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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

New Exposures at New Place

1st of July 2014, I was enrolled to Taska under Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development in Putrajaya. I didn't know what reasons I was there and I just obeyed what my parent did. I remembered the early morning on that day, "Abah" brought me to somewhere that I myself didn't know at all. As any other days before, I was the one who wish to follow "abah" to go anywhere even though I knew my intention would have rejected! That's what I always experienced. But it didn't matter because a child like me would never know anything except one word described happiness.

I was brought by "abah" to a place named Taska. Firstly, I was a bit confused why I've been left alone there with no "abah" and "ibu". I was surrounded by strangers and they were not similar as I always see. Truly, I felt I have nothing. I just knew that only crying would end up all these problems. First of all, I followed what the strangers did and I tried to strengthen myself that everything gonna be alright. But, I failed to control myself and I started to cry again and again uncontinuously. Fortunately, I realized that crying was not the effective solution to overcome my feeling on that time.

On that morning, I was exposed with new friends and new environment. I was quite happy. I was surrounded by a crowd who I assumed strangers. Then, I played together and had fun even though I was stressed and confused. This question came out of my mind: why I've been left there with no supervision from my biological parent? I followed the strangers' orders to play, to eat, to drink and to read books and so on. The flow ran smoothly. I noticed that there was a system to ensure everyone knows what to do next. Meaning to says, we have programmes called syllabus at all time.

The sad story began at noon when I was asked to sleep on the bed. The bed was quite nice and flexible in term of soft swing. I objected the order because I usually active at noon. My adrenaline was at high level at noon. (I'm talking about "if"); if I was at home I usually cleaned house even though"lbu" always scolded me. My intention was good to give my hands in order to lighten "ibu's" burden to clean house. I took plates, pots, saucepans, spoons and anything achieved by hands. Then all those things I sorted one by one on the floor. In my eyes, they looked nice but I didn't know how it looked in my "ibu's" eyes. She kept bubbling saying the house was messy because of my hands. He3.. I nodded as agree that the house was messy but slowly I started to mess it again and again every day. Poor my "ibu". Hu3. Back to the story at the Taska, I could say I was forced by the stranger to sleep. In my mind, how am I going to sleep? I couldn't sleep at the crucial time when my adrenaline is at peaks!!. You the strangers must understand me and listen my heart's voice. They refused to do so instead of forcing me. What could I do in term of physical size, surely they won! I am small and they are big and looked the biggest creature in my eyes. Ok, I made up a decision that the best way was I pretend to sleep. I slept with the both of my eyes opened! How could you imagine? Did I sleep? Of course, I didn't.. The strangers pampered me to make sure both of my eyes closed. My stand was that; I couldn't!!

Fortunately, I heard my "abah's" voices slowly entered into my hole's ears. I started to grin broadly and of course smiled happily. I woke up fastly to get "abah" and I want to tell "abah" how I was treated here? I want to make sure "abah" take me out of the place fulled with strangers. How relief was I that time. I felt confident with the environment because I was not all alone. Suddenly, my "abah" disappeared from my eyes. I didn't know how to describe my feeling on that time. Only crying would have accompanied me that hours. I searched all corners to get "abah" but I found nothing. A stranger brought me around the place to coolen down my sadness of the disappearing "abah". I thought only "abah" and the other things were not around in my mind.

I want everyone imagine how was I along the period from 8.00am until 5.00pm with the strangers. And for the first time! Around 3.00 o'clock I was stable in term of "feeling". The time ran quite fast that day, the wall clock showed 5.00pm. I saw my "abah" come closer to me and asking; are you ok laling? I ran around the place as to inform I was ok and stable.

When we were home, my mind overwhelmed with a feeling of uncertainty. I  remembered what I did at Taska and the people around there. All those things haunted me at the first week. I remembered on the second day I was in Taska. When we were home, the night made me uncomfortable. I asked "abah" to go out to have fresh air outside. I forced "abah" to follow my wants to climb stairs until the fifth floor then go down to downstairs then had sightseeing at garden behind our apartment. Owh, I didn't know why it happened because my heart's voice want to be free out of the box (apartment). Fortunately, my wants listened! My sleeping also was affected with the sounds of children runing here and there overwhelming me. I think it was normal for the first week and I do hope all those feeling disappear as soon as possible.

What made me confused was that along the first week, I couldn't adopt or assimilate myself into the community of children in the Taska. But, when I was at home my mind had been thinking about Taska for one week before I entered into the second week. The second week made me more pleasure and cool because I have entered into a life surrounded with crowd. That's my story as a child to elders!

The next days at the place have changed my expectations from the first point of views on the 1st of July 2014. Now, I am new laling and I'm happy to wake up earlier every morning just to make sure I have times with them as my new friends and new exposures!


Best Regards,
Laling

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